The title says it all, if you survive it, you will come out a stronger person in the end. But going through it, it is sometimes to much to bare. You just can't take it anymore.
Your life is in turmoil an a daily bases. You live life day to day or should I say minute to minute,
is more like it.
My husband and I were bestfriends at one point in our marrage, no one or nothing could come between us, we would looked at each other and knew what the other was thinking or going to say.
He had a good paying job at one point, I did not need to work I stayed home to raise the kids. Every year the drinking got worse and worse. The stress in the home was so thick, it was to much, I cryed all the time, yelled all the time and hated my life and what I was going through.
The kids were angry,confussed and worried all the time, but they loved there Daddy. When he was not drinking he was an amazing man, kind, gentle, loving, giving and tender. But when he was drinking he was selfish, mean, unkind and cold.
I never knew when the rug was going to be pulled out from under me, when it was good, it was amazing, but i enjoyed every minute of it, but always ready for the THUNDERSTORM to come, because I knew it was coming.
I wanted to leave him so many times, I made plans to leave, because I hated him so much that at times I could not even look at him or touch him, It made me sick.But I knew if I left he would not make it, something bad would happen to him, and I could not live with myself if that did happen. Deep down inside I still loved him, remembering the man he was.
He did try to stop drinking, he went to his meetings, I would take him there and pick him up. He enjoyed them alot, But yet again the rug was pulled from under my feet.
I alway knew people were talking behind our backs, whispering and pointing, some of them were suppose to be our friends, that was a joke ( a friend does not do that ), no one ever knew what I was going through, how I felt or what I needed. Everyone always gave advice, I got alot of that.
I lost alot of friends because of his drinking, no one wanted to be around because they knew what was going to happen later in the day. I was very loney, no one to talk to , I couldn't even go out because i did not know what I would come home to.
When you are married to an Alcohalic, you end up with more responsabilities than you bargand for, everything is on your shoulders, it is all put on you, and you have no choice, finding money to pay the bills, than paying them, if the money was not spent on booze. shopping for food, the laundry, tending to the children, cooking, cleaning, working, doing all this while your spouse sleeps, drinks booze, and eats leaving you the mess to clean up, and cleaning up what ever he broke because he was mad.
Well I servived it, my Husband did not, in the end the alcohal took his life, and a piece of me too.
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