Being a Widow is Hard

As the title says, being Widow is hard, I do not like it .I am use to taking care of my spouse - I enjoyed it alot, It made me feel usefull and needed. Then suddenly it is gone, without your permision, he is gone. Never to return.

My heart hurts so much, I try not to cry because i have cryed so much already, It does not bring them back, it only reminds you of how lonely you are, and that there is no one to hold your hand, hold you and tell you that everything will be okay, "don't worry so much" he would say.

I will never be able to smell him, touch him, yell at him, kiss him, love him or hold him ever again. I only have my memories and pictures, and those are hard to look at, sometimes when I look at them I get angry and I want to yell at him " why the Hell did you leave me and the kids, we still need you".

When you get a Divorce , you chose to part ways, good or bad, you will in time see eachother again. When you become a Widow, they are taken from you, you had no say, or to even say "Good-bye my LOVE" or "Don't Go, Don't leave Me" your last and strongest memory is watching them getting buried into the ground and you wanting to jump in there with them . Now that is pain, that is hurt, that is THE END.

I have tryed to meet someone, I did, but he is a PLAYER, and to start getting your life back and feeling alive again, to only be hurt by someone who never had any intentions of getting to know you, only what you had to offer, WOW I can tell you that it sets you back even farthure into your safe little self created hole ( your safe place ).So that no one can hurt you again. I really liked him and I have alot to offer someone, and to see that most guys want are younger, skinner, prettier, women that you can not compete against at all. You loose at first glance, even though you know you are better, safer and kinder because you have so much experiance.

I was married for 22yrs, we had 3 children together. I was a stay at home MoM for so many years, my life was my family. Everything I did, I did for them, they came first, I was last - my choice, My Life theme is a Giver and Caretaker and proud of it.I will not and won't change for anyone , Because I am proud of who I am.