Music or Movies controls our MOODS

Have you ever thought of how much listening to music or watching a movie, has an affect on our moods.

Think about it, they could rehash memories good/bad, make you laugh, make you cry, make you think, or make you angry.

They can help to change your mood from Bad to Good, from calmness to crying. In a snap.

You can easily go through a roller coaster of moods under 5 min or under 2 hours. By watching or listening too.

So if you sad - watch a comedy. If you feel lonely do not watch a romance.

What have I done to deserve this...

I do not understand what I have done to deserve the things that have happened in my life.

I became a Widow a couple years ago, I am raising 3 older children on my own - who do nothing to help me ( my youngest is trying her hardest to help), but the other 2 are very selfish, and do nothing to help me on an everyday bases. They do not work, help pay bills they jack up, they do not keep the house clean, they eat all my food, I just want to scream.

I lost my sister/ my best friend in 2000 because of cancer.

I am barley getting buy, I work from pay check to pay check, I feel overwhelmed on a daily bases.

Trying to keep myself a float, I am getting tired.

My spouse of 23 yrs, was an Alcoholic, there were good times and bad times, every day not knowing if the rug was going to pulled out from under me everyday. That it self is very stressful,

never knowing who you are going to wake up to Jekyll or Hyde.

The one thing I will say, i am a survivor, I became a stronger person for it, but just want calmness, piece, happiness and love and support.

Do Not Hide The Truth...

I find it hard to understand, why someone would rather pretend to care or Love someone, when your true Heart is for another.

When you hide the truth you and your partner will end up miserable, in the long run. There is no good that comes with it.

No matter what you think you are doing to save the other from being hurt, you are hurting them more by pretending to care for them. Not only hurting yourself, and your true love by watching them in the shadows and not being able to be with them.

After time your true love will move on, unable to wait any longer, because the pain is to much to bare, and if you expect them to wait, you are being very selfish.

Others my not accept or like your choice of True Love, but they do not live your life - you do.

To Many Changes, and not for the BETTER

It saddens me and angers me at the same time to see to many changes in this Country, and it is not for the better.

Schools can not say the Lords Prayer anymore because it may offend another culture, they cannot say/sing Oh Canada either, this is our way, this is what we do, if we were in there Country they would never make so many drastic changes for any other Country- Believes- Religion.

I believe we should be as one, but why should we loose our Identity for others, this is not right , and because of these changes so many things have gone arise, and wrong.

If you want to live here and start a new life, good, but this is our way, this is how we do it, and we will not change it, so you need to accept it.

Once the Government opened Pandora's Box, that was it, we are no longer being heard, but other cultures and Religions are, and they are being put before anything else.

I am not a Happy Canadian, I am very disappointed at the way this have been changing.

This all my sound very Harsh, but if you just sit back and think about it , you may agree on some issues. If we keep making all these changes, we will no longer be proud Canadian , we will be confused Canadians. Lost and Forgotten, sometimes change is not good when so many others are forgotten, and the changes only benefit other cultures.

Crossing that Bridge

I am standing on the other side wondering, if you are there.

I am standing on the other side wondering, if you care.

I am standing on the other side wondering, if you see me.

I am standing on the other side wondering, if you will put your hand out for me.

I am standing on the other side wondering, if you are waiting for me.

I am standing on the other side wondering.

What Would You Do.....

I have come to realize that life is to short, we are all not getting any younger, the reality is we are all getting older.

Know, with that thought, would you change anything in your life right know, or are you blissfully happy with everything in your life.

Question, do you worry what other people think about you, and what you are doing. Are you worried that they may not talk to you again or even talk behind your back, making comments about your actions.

Question, if you were in an unhappy marriage, would you stay in it because you do not like change, or scared to start over , or worried about what other people will say or think about your decision. If you had children, would you stay in an unhappy marriage for there sake, even though they can see and hear all the tension between you and your spouse.

Question, would you stay in a job you hate, just because you are afraid to start over, and work at something you have always wanted to do. What is keeping you there, money, vacation, friends, education, what?

Question, how many times have you let others control your thoughts, feelings, desires, needs, likes and dislikes. Have you ever thought about this question.

Happiness does not come knocking on your door to often, what is holding you back, to be content is not happiness, it is just there. It is like always having a Poker Face on every day of your life, or the rest of your life.

No one know how you feel, what you need, what you want. Everyone in life is different, but do not ever let anyone control your desires, they are yours to own.

If your friends and family care at all about you, they would be happy about anything that make you happy, that is called unconditional LOVE. There are no conditions on there LOVE for you.

Think about it......

Happiness or Sorrow.....

The Price Of Gas...

I am so sick of the Price of Gasoline lately, it does not matter how much they pay for Oil, and it could be in the pumps at a cheaper price before they prices went up , they always raise the prices , every dam time.

Why are they doing this, I want an explanation for this, they are blood sucking bastards.

Mid Life Crisis

It is sad to see someone destroy a long time marriage because they want to feel young again, this is called Mid Life Crisis.

How can you look at yourself in the mirror knowing that all your actions has caused your family to have a breakdown, and not even care.

To throw your wife out so your new and younger girlfriend who is half your age can move into your families home. You are a Pedophile in my eyes. To Bad the Law does not see it that way, because they should.

To play mind games, knowing that for some reason your wife still loves you through all of this.

You are no Man, you are not even classified as a Man. You are a Boy/Child and an embarrassment to the word Man.

The funny thing is that you will be getting older, and to a younger girl you will become useless, and than you will be alone. This is what you deserve, and this is what you will get.

The truth about all your lies will come out in time , just wait and see.

Personal Blackmail, is Wrong

It is wrong when someone thinks they can keep another under there control by using blackmail. If you think you can keep someone loving or caring about you while you are using there past against them, you better think again. This will all blow up in your face.

This act or treatment towards another will only last a short time, than the person you are trying to keep will get angry and frustrated, and will risk everything to get away from your clutches of control.

Then do not be surprised when it all backfires onto you, and you end end up being the person answering questions.

My Name Is Firecracker

I will introduce to my other side, the name is Firecracker. He comes out when I feel I am not being treated properly. Being ignored or lied too is the worst thing to do.

I will shout my mouth off, blow my top, and rant and rave when I am mad. It has been happening to me a little to often.

I hate it when I am looking forward to being with someone and they do not show up or call to explain what is happening,
I hate it when I am talking to someone and they start an attitude with me for no reason,
I hate it when I am expected to be patient all the time,
I hate it when I have everything ready for private time and the person does not call,
I hate it when I am always thought of last,
I hate it when I am sexually frustrated and my needs are not met,

So if this continues you will be seeing a lot of my other side FIRECRACKER.

Path in Life

No one knows what there Path in Life is, what road they are to take, or what leasons they/we are here to learn.

But no one has a right to judge anyone for the things they do, it is there life, not yours. you are here to judge your own life.

No one in Life is perfect, everyone makes mistakes, and they really are not mitakes if you learn from them, Lesson learned.

Do not JUDGE anyone if you do not want to be judged yourself. What is good for you may not be good for another person.

Everyone has to do and learn things at there own time and pace.

The roads in life are dark and scary, the unknown, the next step, what do I do, where do I go, what is next for me, are questions only for you to answer. Not for you to answer for someone else.

You are there for support if it is needed, if it is asked.

Thinking to much

Sometimes I think I know what I want, and at the same time I don't. Things are so confusing, I always like to talk about what I am going through and feeling with close friends that I trust with my life.

When I tell them, they say thing that I do not want to hear, the other side of it, the side I am refusing to see. That is why I tell them so I can face the truth, when I am running from it.

You know when you want something so badly it hurts, and you think about it all the time, talk about it all the time, wish for it all the time. You get to the point when you drive yourself nuts over it.

Well I am there right now, and I am feeling that things are not happening fast enough for me. I need to learn patients. I realize this, but have no idea how to achieve it.

I really do hope that my Wish and Dreams come true.

You Know I'd Rock your World

It is so frustrating when you know that you are an amazing person, with a great personality, a big heart, gentle and kind. And guys do not see it, they are not attracted to that.

Most guys my age want skinny, materialistic self centered women. With no morals.

It always seems like I want the guys I can not have, either they are in a relationship or they don't want one.

I know I could Rock your World, if I was given a chance. I just need a chance to show.

If I was given a chance, to show you how great it would be, you would never want to leave and you would never find interest in another women again. Yes this is true.

I am good, I am amazing, I am great......I am one of a kind.

I can't do it Anymore...GOOD-BYE

I can not do it anymore, I want you so badly, and I do not have the patients to wait.

You make me feel so special when I am with you, you make me feel like I am the only one, and we both know I am not.

I hate to let you go, but I have too. It hurts to much to watch you walk out the door, and never know when I will see you again.

I waited a long time for you, thought I knew you, but time has changed everything, and not to my favour. I can not wait on the side lines anymore, hoping and wishing for my turn to come.

I feel it will never come, I will never have it or you. So why wait any longer. The pain is to much to bare.

I need to find someone who would like to be with me full time, not part time.

I smile to others, to hide the pain, but deep down inside I am crying.

You have been Deleted, no longer a Friend

I have Deleted you from my life,I can not even believe I let you in it.

Your are so full of yourself, that you can not see passed your own eye lashes. That is a pretty sad state to be in, you must be lonely a lot of the time, I wonder if you have any true friends, friends that take the time to call you or visit you. Or even help you when you need it. I did, that was a mistake.

You thought you were all that, guess what, you are not.

I tryed to be a friend, to be there for you, to show you I gave a shit about you, as a real friend would, but the nicer I was the more you treated me like shit. Your lose not mine.

I have so many friends that loosing you will not matter at all. But it might for you, you will soon see what you lost.

You will never get what you want in life, because of who you have become,and you will never get who you want in your life because of what you are. You are going to be a very lonely person, growing old alone, sleeping alone, eating alone.

You tell lies, you say what others want to hear, and when you are called on it, you run and hide like a scared little boy.

Naked

When I am naked I am, exposing my skin, my emotions, my imperfections, my wants, my desires, my heart, and my feelings.

Do you see them, do you even care. I want you too, I hope you do. I need you too. CARE.

Do you see the real me, do you want the real me, do you need the real me.

I want you to touch my imperfections and accept them as I will and do yours.

Caress my body, feel my heart, fill my desires, and touch my emotions.

I Am Naked, afraid of rejection, filled with emotions, and in need of your desire.

I Can't Be Myself

I am getting angry, with feeling that I am unable to be me, the real me. Without having someone pisses off with me because I have changed.

I have been through a lot, and I have learned a lot, and I just want to be able to have people that I know accept me for who I am, and not judge me for what I am doing, I am accountable to me, and me alone.

I would never do anything to hurt anyone, ever. I am going and doing things that I would normally do not do. Just because I am doing new things does not mean I am not the same person that everyone knows. I am just expanding my herizions more.

I have met new people, and I am having fun, but I would never forget the people who was there for me when I needed them the most.

I feel that I am the same person that you knew, I have just extended and expanded my personality. I have grown up a little bit more.

Can You See and Feel my Heart

I see you from a distance, I want to touch you, feel you, and hold you. But you are Loved by another.

You had me once, and you left me in the cold. than I found another, as did you.

We were/are both unhappy, but still we look at each other from a distance. Wondering what I would be like.

Both of us are afaid to make the first move. I feel the warmth from your Heart, do you want me as badly as I want you. I am ready, but are you.

I am waiting, but I will not wait forever, I need Love in my Life not a Dream. Right now you are a Dream, and my Dream is lonely without you.

But it is sad to realize that I may loose you again. At least I had the chance to see you, and hold you one more time.

I LOVE YOU.

Staying in a Loveless Relationship

I do not understand why couples stay in a relationship when they have fell out of LOVE for eachother. I am not talking about having problems for a few months, I am talking about problems for years with no improvement in sight.

If you are staying in it for the children, this is the worst thing you can do. They all ready know there is a problem, they see and feel the tention between you both. Sure they do not want you to split up, they will always want there parents together no matter what. But when you decide to end the relationship, and move on, the tention is gone. The children end up being happy because the parents are happier. They want to be around more. Not go to friends homes to get away from the arguments.

Being happy is so important, living without tention feels so great. You feel reborn, happy, alive, stress free, there is no feeling like it.

Memphis Tenn.

Went on a business trip to Memphis Tenn. what a beautiful place we were in Downtown Memphis, and the people were so friendly, kind, helpful, and so polite. All there questions and answers ended with Mam.

We were on Trolley Cars, the were very old and this young guy who is a Blues musician came on, we asked him to play and he did. It was so nice.

It was sad to also see that the DownTown area, does not have alot of things to do or see, there is alot of empty buildings/store fronts.

At night they block off Beale Street the whole Street, this is famous for all the Blues Bars on it. So you can easily go Bar hopping if you want to. You can imagine what it would be like in the summer, we went in the winter (Feb).

They also have Horse and buggy rides, and in the winter you rap up in a blanket, now that is romantic.

I hope they get the Downtown area hopping, with more stores, shops, resturants, more tourist attractions because it is such a beautiful place to go. I would love to go again in the summer. The people is what makes me want to go back, and the history, the old buildings ,the Trolley Cars, and horse and buggy rides.

Will you, Is my Question....

I am alone at the end of the pier, looking at the clear blue water. I want to go in, and at the same time I am hoping you will try to stop me. That you see I am ready to leave and move on.

But do you care enough for me to stop me, do you need me enough to stop me, do you love me enough to stop me, will you miss me enough to stop me, do you desire me enough to stop me. Stop me from leaving.

Stop me, Please Stop me....Do you not see, Open your Eyes I want you to see. I want you to the real me. The one you need.

I want to take care of you, love you, make you feel better when you are sick, sleep with you, wake up with you, laugh with you, cry with you, argue with you, and smile with you.

But again I am standing at the end of the pier alone, and you do not see I need you, and you do not want to see that you need me.

So when I am gone will you miss me, Time will tell.

Making Love

Making Love, there is no other feeling like it, We become One.

Making LOVE is beautiful. The touch of your hand on my Body, your skin on my skin, your sweat with my sweat, our Hearts beating as one, your warm breath on my neck, and you slowly kissing my Body,and as I dig my nails into your back.

We intertwine our Bodies, we touch, you touch every inch of my skin, and you grab my wrists and pull them over my head. I do not want it to end, but when it does, hold me tight.

MAKE lOVE TO ME!

I Feel All Twisted Up Inside

I always seem to be making STUPID mistakes, I always jump the gun, or leap before I think. I have to learn to stop doing this.

I always asume the worse, when my questions are not answered, not realizing or remembering that everyone deals with things differently. I am a Head on type person, I like to deal with things right away, and not wait.

When I react in this way, I push people away from me, and I do not mean to do this at all, I really don't. I cherrish all my friends with all my heart. When I say I am sorry I do mean it.

It upsets me so much to know if I have made someone mad or upset with me, because of what I have said.

When I am hurt or upset about something, all I do is think about the situation and how I feel at the time, and react. This is what gets me introuble, my mouth. It is like a RAZER, very sharp. I just want the person to see and feel how I am feeling about the situation at hand.

I keep doing this to one person in praticular, and I hate myself for it, and I want to stop doing it. But how, all I can do is explain myself, and hope HE/SHE understands. All I want is to be told the truth right away, and not left hanging, trying to figure out why. Because that drives me crazy. This is when I stick my foot in my mouth and left to make my own assumptions, they could be right and they could be wrong, I just react to quickly.

Nice girls do make mistakes.....I do ....and admit them too.

Storm Behind the Door

Why is there a Storm behind the door, why is so hard to say I LOVE YOU and mean it.

Why does your Love hurt so much, Love is gentle, soft and kind.

Why do you lie to me, say the thing I want to hear, instead of the things you should really feel.

Why do I cry, everytime I hear your voice, you either say mean things, or you say a nice thing, it is always one or the other.

Why do I hate to see you, but miss you when you are gone.

Why do I have to love you, when there is no love at all.

WHY................just tell me WHY.

Lets Talk about Britney Spears

I feel so sorry for her. Her life has gone to Hell in the last couple of years. I feel it all started when her and Justin Timberlake broke up. He keep her grounded, she realized after they broke up, what she had lost.

She is always out to seek attention, and I was not suprised about her break down at all, I was just waiting for it to come, did not know when, but I knew it was coming soon, the signs were all there.

She is like the picture of the Iceburg, you see only a very small part of it on the surface, but lying underneath is this huge part, undescovered-unseen. It will take a long time to help her, years with the right docters, she really needs to go somewhere quiet, away from it all and redescover/find herself again, and most important love herself again.

Stars now a days are being pushed so hard, to be perfect, make no mistakes because if you do it will be shown all over the world. Put to shame, this is sad, they are aloud to make mistakes, whatever it is. they are just the same as you and me, Blood flows threw there vains as well, there Feelings get hurt as well, they get Angry as well, they are aloud to be...be whatever they feel at the time.

They are all being pushed to an early gave....Literaly, and who is at fault for this...on one is pointing fingers at themselves....just at the Stars...look at how much you screwed up in your life...now we are going to recap them, The death toll is getting higher and higher...who is next...this thought scares me.....

My thoughts are, Leave them alone....Let them live there lives....Raise there families......Have fun...and enjoy life the same as you are aloud to. They are not a rare species that should be held under a microscope...They are Humans-Just like you and me. Give them a change to enjoy there talent. To share with us that gift they have.

Customer Service

I get so Angry everytime I go into a store these days, the customer service is awful. No one smiles anymore, no one takes the time to help you - you need to find them and ask them for help, and when they do help it is like you are bothering them, or the younger workers stand there talking to each other and will not stop chatting until they are finished there converstation. This is all BULLSHIT. I have had enough.

What gets me is they complain that the customers are rude, OH WELL, suck it up, we are fed up with the lousy service we recieve. If you do not like your job, find one you do like, or fake it. It is not our falt that you are unhappy at the work place. We just want to get our things and go home.

There should be better training or more training on how to treat and talk to customers. To many companies are hiring younger and younger but most of all putting them in positions of athouity when they barly have any life experiences or skills, to help them in the position they are in.

Customer Service has gone to the toilet. There is the rare few that do a great job, and I always make sure I tell there superviser how pleased I was, and how helpful they were to me. I also let them know myself, because I want them to keep up the good work, and not change.

When you are working with the public, you have to make them feel special, they are # one, just remember if you give bad service, consummers will look elsewhere and there goes your job, not enough revenue coming in for the company to keep you on anymore. If there are to many complains against you then you will be let go, if you want to move up in the company you need to be the best with information and attitude.

Just remember that a smile is contagus, when you give a smile you will get a smile in return.

Do You Believe

Do you believe in Spirit's/Ghost's, you should, because they are real.

Sometimes a spirit is unsettled, not finished in life, some do not believe they are dead. They will go about day to day, wondering why you do not see or hear them.

They will leave you a sign, it could be money/change, they may hide your keys, or turn a picture around.

Everyone has a Spirit Guide, with them at all times, to give you guidance. That little voice in your head, you choose to ignore or follow. You are in control of your thoughts and actions.

If you feel there maybe a Ghost or Spirit in your home, you can ask them to leave you a sign that they are there, you can leave talcum powder on a counter before you go to bed, and ask them to give you a sing.The sign will be scribbles in the powder, and you know that no one else was there to do it. This will happen about 2- 3am, They are stronger on a foggy night.

I believe there is a Father God and a Mother God, everything in life is male or female, plants animals, humans. Everything has an opposite sex, you need both sexes to produce.

Father God is the Creator, and Mother God is the Mover. She is around more, and she has an Army of Angels to protect you, and help you if you ask, you only get what you ask for. If you do not ask you will not get.

I can pick up on peoples emotions, very easily, I always know something is wrong or bothering people, and I will ask if I feel it important, and watch to see if they need to talk. I can feel what they are feeling. When the emotion is strong. So if I ask what is wrong are you okay, you are giving me your feelings.

The Two sides of Me

I am a unique person, there is not many like me around. I am a very honest, loving, kind, gentle, and helpful.

If I care about you, I will try to help you in any way I can. I will never see a person go without or struggle, if I have what is needed, I will give.

I trust in everyone, I trust that I will be treat the same as I have treated you. I expect nothing less in a person. This is not asking for much. I expect that they want the same from me.

But, I can say that I have been taken for granted, way to many times, and it has not changed the way I am , or feel about people. I will tell you BURN me ONCE, and YOU will never have the chance to BURN me AGAIN.

Once you have lost the trust from me, it will be hard to find someone who is the same type of person as I am. There is not many around. Think about it. Think about what you have gained from this, than think about what you have lost. It will be shocking, you lost way more than you gained.

I am in no means venerable, or stupid. I just find it important to give people a chance.

I am a watcher and observer, of people, and there actions and behavior. I analyze the situation and figure out who and what you are about. I wait to see how you will react. Did you pass or fail in the friendship.

I am also a fire cracker, I do have a hot temper. It is hot. It will smolder there for awhile, waiting to give the person a chance to redeem themselves, and if you do not. Watch out, I have a raze tough, and a sharp mind. You will hear the truth about you, your behavior, actions and what you have done to me to get me so mad.

I will seak and find, I am like a torpedo, on target. That will be you. In time I may forgive, but be sure I will never forget. It will never be the same. You will need to prove yourself to me, if you find it is important to gain my trust again.

I am a Gemini, and a Fire Horse, of the Zodiac's.

Why

For some reason in which is not understandable, that you have put a block up.

For some reason when a question is asked, you run. You run away and try to ignore it, in hopes that it will go away. But it won't, it will always be there. If not now than later, it will always come back in a different situation.

Why do you protect yourself, in such a strong way. Why do you feel that everyone is out to hurt you. You feel and think, I will get you before you get me. This is sad, and a lonely way to be.

Do you not see that you deserve to be Loved just as much as everyone else does. You are Gods creation and gift to the World, you are just as important as everyone else is.

It is important to forgive yourself, and others. For you to move on in life. For you to find happiness, in yourself and others.

Remember and never forget that God Loves You and he Forgives you.

Raising Children

Raising Children, at times is like a Tug a War. Everyone has an opinion, and everyone is right, but you.

You will make mistakes, no one is perfect. Everyone is different, there is no set way to do it. Just take others experiences, keep them in mind so if what you do does not work, you have other options to try.

Every child is different, the same tactic does not work on every child. But they do learn fast. So you will need to switch your tactic's after a time.

I do find one thing very important, if you made a mistake, admit it to your child, if you need to say sorry, say it. This is a big learning lesson for them. They do impersonate there parents.

Do not ever talk down to your child, as if they are less of a person. They will duplicate what you say or do in time.

The first 10yrs is important for development of your child's mind and personality. Get to know your child, if they get in trouble at school remember they are involved some how. I always knew my children were not perfect. No child is.

If your child is screaming in a store for a toy, do not give in to them, they will learn in time that this is the way to get what they want, instead leave the store. Do not give into them to make them quiet and stop crying, this is wrong. You will spoil your child, and when they become teenagers they will end up being a handful for you.

Men and Women in Relationships

We are programed differently, in our brains. That is why a women needs a man, and a man needs a women.

Most men are aggressive, they take charge, they know what they want and go for it. Most women are thinkers, they plan, they think of a strategy and go for it.

When the two put there minds together, things work out, in most cases to there expectations. It is important to listen to each other, and work the best ideas, and bring them together. Ones idea in no more important than the others.

A relationship is equal, 50/50, that is why it is so important to talk, and understand the others point. If a relationship is unbalanced, one person is bossier, or more demanding to the other, the relationship is off balance. the respect from the other is depleting. They will tolerate, but not respect you.

I have seen this unbalanced relationship a lot. I do not understand it, or like it. Get me this , get me that. Do this for me , and go do that. I thought you married/partnered with the person you loved and respected, I did not see a contract anywhere about being your servant. If this truth hurts, oh well then change your attitude.

You should be saying could you please bring me ....., thank you. Don't worry I am closer I will get ...for you. That is the respectful way to ask for what you want.

I am ME, and You are YOU. No two people are the same, we do not think the same, feel the same, or like the same. Just because we do not see eye to eye on most things, does not mean there is a problem in the relationship. You respect the other persons opinions and they respect yours. Agree to disagree.

If you were in a previous relationship, and it went sour. Do not ever bring that relationship into the new one. It will go bad fast. The one thing you should carry with you is what you have learned, the mistakes that were made. Take everything in life as a lesson learned. This will help you to improve yourself in relationships.

Do not ever take the person who cares for you for granted, that shows you do not feel the same for them as they feel for you. Why do that to them, it is humiliating, and disrespectful. Why be with them then. Give them a chance to find someone who does appreciate them, so they will be happy. The LOVE from another person is a special gift, that is not shared to others. It is only for You.

Do You See Me

Do you see me. I see that you take a glance my way, but always turn back. Why.

Take a good look at me, see the real me. Why is it taking you so long.

They say time is good, but time also fades.

It is getting cold and dark in here, why do you not warm me up. I see the sunshine in your eyes.

Don't let me fade, I may disappear into this dark cold place.

It is lonely in here, I need that warm touch.

I need to feel safe, safe in your arms.

Do You See Me.

LOVE

Feeling Love, is one of the greatest feeling. It makes you feel alive, complete, desired, beautiful, and special.

To give your love to someone, you do feel vulnerable at times, because you do not want your heart to be broken. So there are times when you hold back your feelings, just in case.

Love is the greatest gift of all. Everyone needs to feel it, be in it, and trust it. Wanting to spend the rest of your life with someone should not be scary at all. It should be joyful, and exciting.

To share your life with someone else, to become one with someone makes you feel complete, a whole person. They should be your better half.

You will not always agree, you will argue, but always listen to the other person, and how they feel, and what they have to say. Respect there feeling, just like you want yours to be respected at the same time. Always talk about the problem at hand, and come to an agreement.

Stand up for the person you love, be there knight in shining armor. Be romantic, funny, care free, respectful, kind and tender. Understand there needs, and make sure they understand yours.

Don't keep secrets, or hide something from them. Always be honest and truthful. The one thing that is so important, it is the breaker of all relationships is Trust, and that takes a lot, if you abuse that trust, you will never get it back or it will take a long time to back again.

Love is a gift, cherish that gift, you may never find that one special person again, and to not be in love, or feel in love, you will live a very lonely life.

Your Actions

If you say or do something to another person, why do you run and hide. This I do not understand at all. If you say it acknowledge it, if you do something, admit it.

When you run and hide because you do not want to be confronted by the other person, than why did you do it in the first place. Stand up for yourself. You must have believed in your actions strongly to do it in the first place.

Give the other person that same chance to re act to your comment, or action. It is only fair, and the right thing to do. This is like a hit and run, think about it. Same concept, same action.

Do not always say something you feel the other wants to hear, that is not fair play. Telling the truth is. It is the only way to be. When you are honest with others, you are honest with yourself.

Turning 40 is like peeling off your OLD SKIN..and finding yourself

When you turn 40 yrs old, it feels as though you have made a full circle in life. Off with the OLD and in with the NEW, in a way.

Your mind changes, you want more, or to do things differently. You realize you are living life for you and not anyone/everyone else, you need to be happy, to please yourself, and not worrying about others coming first. You come first.

The change is good, you are still the same person everyone knows, but you want more for yourself. You realize you do not need approval from others anymore, well not so much approval but understanding or acceptance, is more like it.

I do not care anymore what others think of what I am doing, the effect is on me, not them. I am the one who has to live with my actions, and look at myself in the mirror everyday, I am the one who has to like myself first.That is what is important.

I am 41 yrs old and just got my fist Tattoo, ever. It is in a private place, it has a lot of meaning for me. I am not asking for approval at all. I do not need it.

I have changed a lot, I am not as shy, if I want to know something I will ask, and keep asking until you answer. I will fight for what I believe in, and I love a good fight. I expect honesty nothing less, if you are hiding something or lying, I will figure it out, I always do. I will give you that chance to fess up, i have Patience to a point. If you take to long, I will confront you with it.

I will never play games, ever. I like myself more now than I did before. I have grown up a lot.

Turning 40 was the best, I feel alive. I feel I am at my best, and I will only get better. If you at at the same age as me, and have not felt what I have. I hope you do, because it is the Greatest Feeling Ever.

I am so proud of myself. I have been through a lot, more than some people could ever bare, but in turn I have learned a lot.

Laughter

The one important thing is you are able to laugh at yourself. No one is perfect, and everyone makes mistakes, and when you are able to laugh at yourself you become more humain.

Think about it, because this is true, you will bring your defences down and not get so upset if someone laughs at you or makes a coment that you do not like.I will not happen all the time, you will know who is being nice and who is being rude.

Laughter is good/great for the Soul, it is a stress releaser. It helps you to unwind from the stresses of the day. Make sure you always have avaliable a comedy or comedian on DVD, for the days you need a good laugh. Buy one or two to keep at home, your favorite.

I love to laugh, and I always laugh at myself, I find myself quite funny at times. I love to watch I Love Lucy ( black and white) she gives me stiches, she was so funny, and I enjoy Jeff Dunham with his puppets, I end up with tears in my eyes from laughing so hard.

So Laugh hard and Laugh long.

In My Bed

IN MY BED, it feels so cold, I lay here alone, with no one to hold.

I read my books to pass the time, wanting to forget the lonely time.

IN MY BED, I wish you where here, to help me wipe away my tear.

Thinking and thinking is to much to bare, I'm wondering and waiting, will you be there.

IN MY BED, it is soft and warm, just like my heart is, for you to adore.

When will you be with me, IN MY BED, to cuddle, to touch, and warm up my bed.

The nights seem longer, and scary its true, I am waiting for you so I am no longer alone.

My Place to Relax

I have a place up North, in Huntsville. It is such a beautiful place to be, it is a place where I can escape from the craziness of the City.

It is quiet, peaceful, and relaxing. There is no phone, yes I have a TV, but I can only watch movies, I do this at night or on rainy days.

I have muskoka chairs that look onto the lake, 2 on a hill, and 2 on the deck. I sit and read a book with a cup of coffee, and watch all the Blue Jays fly over to get the peanuts I feed them.

I have a hammock and it wraps around you, it is so comfortable you just lay there rocking , and ready to fall asleep, with the sun beatting down on you and a nice breaze from the lake, is just that added touch of joy you feel.

The people in Huntsville are one of a kind, helpful, generous, kind, friendly and funny. I can't afford a Cottage. I have a Trailer, I call it my Poor Mans Cottage, and I would not trade it in for anything , I have been there since 1994, and I would do anything to stay, I will never leave.

We have 350 achers of forest around us, other lakes feed into our little lake, there is Large Mouth Bass, and Cat fish to try and catch. We have a Horseshoe tournament every year, it is alot of fun. The kids have Holloween in the summer, and a fishing Derdy that goes on all season. On long weekends there is always parties/gatherings going on til we hours of the morning. It is great.

At night having a fire going and to hear the crackle of the wood burning and the smell of the smoke is so nice, the sky is so black and the stars or so bright with the moon, and when the moon lights up the lake and you see the fog coming from the lake it looks like a horor movie, I love it.

You have the best sleep ever, from the fresh air, once your head hits the pillow you are sound asleep, and you always wake up refreshed. Ready for a new day.

Anyone that has come up for a visit always wants to come back, and never wants to leave. You are surprised at how much you enjoy it and how relaxed you become. I try to worn people before they come for the first time, but they do not believe me, in the end they do.

I love to bring people up, so they can enjoy what I do every summer, everyone needs a place to go, to escape, to realax, to enjoy and catch your breath again.

Death

Death is a part of life, no one wants to think about or talk about, because it is one of the hardest thing to go through.

The Death of a loved one is so hard to cope with, all the emotions you feel are overwhelming.

You feel devastated about your lose, than you feel sad that you will never see, talk , smell or touch them again.

You also feel anger, a lot of anger that they left you and that you will never see them again.

You also have anger towards people who you felt at the time were insensitive and uncaring.

You will also feel shame for the things you could not apologize for, the unsaid words, or not seeing them often enough.

You will feel sad, upset and anger for not being able to say "Good-bye" or being with them when the passed away.

Your Grief will last a long time, and you go through so many different emotions one right after another. There is no time limit on Grieving, it takes as long as it takes, and everyone deals with it in different ways, no one has the right to judge someone on there Grief.

I have had so many Loved ones pass away, sometimes I think about the pain I went through when they passed away, and I still cry for them at times, curtain songs bring back memories and thoughts about my losses.

I Grieve for my Husband of 23yrs, we had 3 children together.

I Grieve for my Sister, she was 31yrs old and had 4 children, she was also my best friend.

I Grieve for my Grandmother (Nanzers) who was my everything, she knew me better than anyone.

I Grieve for my Grandfather, a kind and gentle man.

I Grieve for my best friend in High School, she was like a sister to me.

I Grieve for my Father in Law who I looked after for 10yrs.

I Grieve for my husbands Grandmother (Moosy),who accepted me right away, she was over 80yrs old, she loved to tell dirty jokes.

I have had so many Loved ones pass away, I cannot listen to Eric Clappton's "Tears in Heaven", or the song "Amazing Grace" and to hear Amazing Grace on the bagpipes, even worse, I balling my eyes out every time. They say crying cleans the Soul.

The Right Thing to Do

I want to write about proper edict, I feel this been forgotten, and lost. Edict on, mannerism, respect, and the proper way to treat people. Treat people as you want to be treated,

1. If someone says Hello, say Hello back to them - when you ignore people you are being rude and ignorant.

2. Be honest, if someone asks you something, don't lie, say it in a kind way - telling the truth is easier than trying to remember your lie.

3. If you owe money to someone and you can't pay them back when you said you would, tell them - if you try to hide and ignore the person who was kind enough to help you are considered and thought of as a snake in the grass and a coward.

4. If you ask someone a question, and you do not like the answer you were given, it upset you - than do not ask the question, and put the person in the situation of pampering your ego.

5. When you see someone having trouble carrying bags - do just stand there, offer to help them, help to lighten there load, if they say no, at least you offered your help.

6. If you see an elderly person or a pregnant woman standing on a bus/subway offer them your seat - you are a lot younger and you have more strength and footing from preventing a fall.

7. If you see a mother having a problem with the stroller - offer your help.

8. If you see a homeless person an the streets offer to feed them - take them into a restaurant and buy them a meal.

9. If someone buys you a gift - let them know they made you happy.

10. If you do not believe in Karma, you should - what goes around comes back around 10 times over, weather it be good or bad, you will get it back.

Do you see my Foot Prints in the Sand

In life I feel as though I am walking alone in the sand. I am watching happy couples smile and laugh while holding hands. Happy to see the love between them but in the same breath feeling envy because I want that.

I want to hold hands and laugh and smile at someone special, too. But when is it going to happen to me, I am fun too.

At times when I laugh, I cry inside, wanting to scream out loud, "you have someone,so shut up". So I keep my thoughts to myself. I feel it but I do not mean it.

When I walk in the sand I hold my head down, watching my foot prints, mine alone. Wondering if someone will come from behind and say "Hello", let me take your hand, you should not be walking alone.

When I am Stressed

When I am stressed,I close my eyes and I imagine myself on a Black Stallion riding bareback and running with the wild.

The wind is in my hair, and we are running so fast, the faster we go,the faster my stresses disappear.

I feel so relaxed, and I do not want to stop running, I just want to keep going, no one can bother me and no one can see me.

I ride my Black Stallion whenever I need him, I ride him when things are to much for me to handle. When I feel I am close to a breakdown from all the stresses life gives me, from all my personal problems, and when I am lonely.

I wish I had a real Black Stallion to ride, but at least I will always have the one I imagine in my head.

Respect ....

There is so many different directions you can say when it comes to the word, RESPECT.

1. Teenagers use this word so much, and have no idea what the real meaning is.They think that everyone better RESPECT ME, but there is no way I will ever and have to respect you.I would like to know were they ever learned this.

2. Too have a good relationship with anyone ( and it does not matter who ) , you need to show respect to get or to earn RESPECT.

3. You always show RESPECT to the elderly, even if they are not in your family , they deseve to be held with the highest regards and up most RESPECT, ever. They are the foundation of this world and everything in it , and everything we have, we have because of them.

4. If you do not RESPECT yourself, why will other RESPECT you. You need to love yourself and like yourself in order to RESPECT yourself.

5. Show RESPECT in whatever relationship you are in, or not in anymore, people will treat you as you have treated them.

6. Show RESPECT to the Earth, it is all we have, when it is gone, from pollution, war, population, devistation, we are gone with it , our future is gone.

7. RESPECT other peoples property, they worked hard to get what they have. No one has the right to take something over jelousy or envy.

8. RESPECT, LOVE, and COMPASSION go hand and hand in life. You can't have one without the other.

Being Married to an Alcohalic is like a Thunderstorm

The title says it all, if you survive it, you will come out a stronger person in the end. But going through it, it is sometimes to much to bare. You just can't take it anymore.

Your life is in turmoil an a daily bases. You live life day to day or should I say minute to minute,

is more like it.

My husband and I were bestfriends at one point in our marrage, no one or nothing could come between us, we would looked at each other and knew what the other was thinking or going to say.

He had a good paying job at one point, I did not need to work I stayed home to raise the kids. Every year the drinking got worse and worse. The stress in the home was so thick, it was to much, I cryed all the time, yelled all the time and hated my life and what I was going through.

The kids were angry,confussed and worried all the time, but they loved there Daddy. When he was not drinking he was an amazing man, kind, gentle, loving, giving and tender. But when he was drinking he was selfish, mean, unkind and cold.

I never knew when the rug was going to be pulled out from under me, when it was good, it was amazing, but i enjoyed every minute of it, but always ready for the THUNDERSTORM to come, because I knew it was coming.

I wanted to leave him so many times, I made plans to leave, because I hated him so much that at times I could not even look at him or touch him, It made me sick.But I knew if I left he would not make it, something bad would happen to him, and I could not live with myself if that did happen. Deep down inside I still loved him, remembering the man he was.

He did try to stop drinking, he went to his meetings, I would take him there and pick him up. He enjoyed them alot, But yet again the rug was pulled from under my feet.

I alway knew people were talking behind our backs, whispering and pointing, some of them were suppose to be our friends, that was a joke ( a friend does not do that ), no one ever knew what I was going through, how I felt or what I needed. Everyone always gave advice, I got alot of that.

I lost alot of friends because of his drinking, no one wanted to be around because they knew what was going to happen later in the day. I was very loney, no one to talk to , I couldn't even go out because i did not know what I would come home to.

When you are married to an Alcohalic, you end up with more responsabilities than you bargand for, everything is on your shoulders, it is all put on you, and you have no choice, finding money to pay the bills, than paying them, if the money was not spent on booze. shopping for food, the laundry, tending to the children, cooking, cleaning, working, doing all this while your spouse sleeps, drinks booze, and eats leaving you the mess to clean up, and cleaning up what ever he broke because he was mad.

Well I servived it, my Husband did not, in the end the alcohal took his life, and a piece of me too.

Friendship

A true friend is hard to find, someone who lets you express the real you, and allows you to make mistakes.


A true friend tells you the truth even though you do not want to hear it, they do it in a kind and loving way.


A true friend forgives you when you have done wrong, or said something wrong.


A true friend does not judge you but supports you in whatever you decide to do.


A true friend will stay up all night listening to you cry, complain, yell, scream, and cures until you are blue in the face, just to make you feel better.


A true friend will listen to the same thing over and over and over again, if that is what makes you feel better.


A true friend will never ever talk bad about you behind your back, or listen to anyone who does.


A true friend is part of your family, an extention of you.


A true friend allows you to spread your wings, always knowing you will come back, filling them in on everything every detail, and wanting to hear more.


I have that and I love my TRUE FRIEND with all my heart. I am truely grateful for my TRUE FRIEND for being there for me, with all my ups and downs, and at times being an emotional basket case.

Single and Confused

Well it has been 1yr and 8months, of being single. I really did not think it would be this hard to find someone.

Reality has hit me, yes it is this hard.....where do you go, how do you do it, where do you start, these are questions I do not have answers to.

You know the saying "nice girls finish last", it seems to be a true statement.I am one of those nice girls and I do feel as though I am finishing last. How can you compete with those women who you feel are prettier, younger, firmer, and with less baggage as the saying goes. But I love my baggage (my children), and everyone of those stretchmarks I recieved caringing them.

I find know that men want to be PLAYERS, feel as though they still have what it takes to get the women, and have no strings in a relationship, to do what or who they please, just to stay young, and not realizing that there will be a time in life when they will not have what it takes anymore to get the ladies, and end up alone, WITH NO ONE TO LOVE THEM.

I am not the type of person who flirts, I am the quiet one. I am shy. I realize that is my biggest problem, but how do you change who you have been all your life. You can't , because if you do change you do not feel as though you are you anymore, you are pretending to be someone you are not, and I can not do that just to get a man's attention. I refuse to play games, I will not be someone I am not.

So you feel as though you are on a double edge sword, DAM. You can't win for loosing.Either way you feel like you loose. If you do not play the game - you loose, if you are not the real you - you loose. So how do you win in the end.

Working Parents

Being a parent at this time is so hard, the world is painful at times and unkind. You want children, you want to raise them, and give them the world but you can't. You can't do it on your own.

Parents need to work to survive, so you can give your child a home to live in, so they can sleep. Food on the table, to fill there bellies and to watch them grow. Clothes on there backs to keep them warm. Shoes on there feet, so they can walk.

It is so hard to go to work when you watched your child cry in fear and pain as you dropped them off to Daycare. The pain of leaving them and walking away ripes your heart out everytime you have to do it. Now you need to go to work, be productive, stay focused, in order to keep your job, OH YES and don't be late, and what will happen if your child is sick. Well the daycare won't take them, they can' t risk the other children getting sick, so you call everyone you trust to watch your child, or take the day off, loose pay or a vacation day ( a whole day less with your family ). The day you have been working for to be with your child all day.

Companies have no compation towards mothers and children, it is funny how we forget how we felt as a child watching our mothers leave us to go to work, and if your mother was a stay at home mom how safe and happy we were being with them.

When I was growing up there was so much for me to do, it was more affortable for my parents. Swimming lessons, Brownies, Rollerskating, Ice Skating, Archades, Teen Dances at the Community Centers, Clean Safe Parks, were did it all go and why did most of it go.

Parents work so hard and longer hours, just to stay afoat, and sometimes just making home on time to get your child to there Hockey practice, Soccar game, baseball game, swimming lessons, and not trying to stress out and get frantic getting it all done at the same time, or with little time to spare, Don't forget feeding your child too. That is where the FAST FOOD HELPS, you hate to feed them that junk but what choice do you have at the time, none.

Being a Widow is Hard

As the title says, being Widow is hard, I do not like it .I am use to taking care of my spouse - I enjoyed it alot, It made me feel usefull and needed. Then suddenly it is gone, without your permision, he is gone. Never to return.

My heart hurts so much, I try not to cry because i have cryed so much already, It does not bring them back, it only reminds you of how lonely you are, and that there is no one to hold your hand, hold you and tell you that everything will be okay, "don't worry so much" he would say.

I will never be able to smell him, touch him, yell at him, kiss him, love him or hold him ever again. I only have my memories and pictures, and those are hard to look at, sometimes when I look at them I get angry and I want to yell at him " why the Hell did you leave me and the kids, we still need you".

When you get a Divorce , you chose to part ways, good or bad, you will in time see eachother again. When you become a Widow, they are taken from you, you had no say, or to even say "Good-bye my LOVE" or "Don't Go, Don't leave Me" your last and strongest memory is watching them getting buried into the ground and you wanting to jump in there with them . Now that is pain, that is hurt, that is THE END.

I have tryed to meet someone, I did, but he is a PLAYER, and to start getting your life back and feeling alive again, to only be hurt by someone who never had any intentions of getting to know you, only what you had to offer, WOW I can tell you that it sets you back even farthure into your safe little self created hole ( your safe place ).So that no one can hurt you again. I really liked him and I have alot to offer someone, and to see that most guys want are younger, skinner, prettier, women that you can not compete against at all. You loose at first glance, even though you know you are better, safer and kinder because you have so much experiance.

I was married for 22yrs, we had 3 children together. I was a stay at home MoM for so many years, my life was my family. Everything I did, I did for them, they came first, I was last - my choice, My Life theme is a Giver and Caretaker and proud of it.I will not and won't change for anyone , Because I am proud of who I am.

Relationships

It really bothers me how men and women treat each other, there is so much disrespect going on between each other it is awful.

I can't stand PLAYERS, and if you are proud of being one , you really should be ashamed of yourself, the only outcome from it is hurt shame and pain, for your partner at the time. Using someone for your sexual desires is pittyful. There will be a point in your life when you will want to settle down, you will meet someone that you may want to spend the rest of your life with, and your past will bite you in the ass. This is the truth. It will happen. If it has not already.

You treat others as you want to be treated, if you want respect-give respect, if you want love-show love, if you want passion-show passion, if you want the truth-tell the truth.

Always remember and never forget, treat others as you want to be treated...this is the way of life. It is simple, it is only as complicated as you make it.

Life in General

Hello I am the creater of this blog, I hope you will enjoy it, I will be writing about ,how I feel about the things going on in the world today.

EG:relationships, how people treat each other, world events, parenting, children growing up, just about everything.

I am a simple women, kind and warm hearted, and I care alot about people in general. There are so many things bothering me, things that are going on, the way people treat and talk to each other.